Challenge #5

I was contemplating putting this post on hold until tomorrow. Liz is sick and I'm getting ready to pass out. Since she is sick, this post will be one I know she'd like.

Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to:
   We took a road trip halfway across the country on Route 66. The one place Liz talks about constantly is Albuquerque, New Mexico.  Neither one of us can figure out why exactly it has stuck in her mind.  We did lots of fun stuff just like the other places we stopped. Liz has been thinking of ways to make Albuquerque our forever home.

*Side note: Frankenstein took this trip with us and had to stay at a doggie daycare while we did fun stuff.  Not going to lie, we both lost it a little and didn't stay out long the first time.  Leaving a one-eyed, seizure prone, and all around "special" dog alone with strangers is scary.

Challenge #4

    A small post before the challenge.  I can say that Liz and I started out the morning with great expectations for our shared day off.  We dreamt of having a picnic in the beautiful park, paddle boating in front of the art museum, and finishing off with a trip to the wax museum. Sounds great right?  The picnic was cold/rained out so we ate in the car- which was no biggie.  We re-thought the paddle boat experience and decided instead to head to tadpole pond.... no tadpoles.  Alright spirits still high we try to navigate to the wax museum. Key word: try. After circling downtown, ending up in a neighboring state, almost getting t-boned (my bad), and finally paying for parking; the museum was closed. All we could do was laugh. To reward ourselves for the ridiculousness we headed towards a gelato store. Any guesses what happened? No parking!  We did end up at a frozen yogurt place so all is well. A nice drive home and we were exhausted from our day out.

Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have

I can't speak for Liz but I have plenty of bad habits.  The main root of all of them is my ability to over-analyze anything! I have some OCD tendencies but sometimes I really over think some things.  This is something I am working very hard on fixing. Along with this is my pessimistic outlook. I'd say I have been  about 80% successful in changing my habits.

Challenge #3

Day 03- A picture of you and your friends

This blog was started on the thought of keeping it as open as possible. The tricky part is only a few of our friends know we are ttc (one offered her husband as a donor-and I think they were serious) but none know about the blog. So we don't feel right putting their pictures up without their permission. Most are very private when it comes to online posting for good reasons. We will however put a few pictures up.

Hopefully we'll have a real post tomorrow!



Challenge #2

Challenge day two: The meaning behind your blog name.

For a long time, we had resigned to adopting through foster care.  While this is not completely decided against, we were told they did not need homes for children under seven right now.  After learning this news we were very upset.  We are not of magnificent financial means, but wanted to give a child a loving home. Private adoption is not feasible.  It would be very difficult and possibly detrimental for Liz to be pregnant.  I thought for weeks about what we should do. Finally, I resigned to "taking one for the team."  Being pregnant was never one of my desires because I always wanted to be the Papi.  I told Liz of my decision on a drive home one day. Lots of crying later and we thought I would be just like a seahorse. The Papi carrying the baby but stepping back into role after the birth.  Knowing very well that I would need an outlet for my thoughts and our adventure, this blog was created. The Seahorse Chronicles is written mainly from my (Aiden) view, but is completely about our journey.

Challenge #1

Alright today is the first day of the 30 day blogging. I intended to write this earlier but I got a wee bit distracted. Aiden will be writing this one, and hopefully have Liz co host a few facts. Here goes nothing:

Day 1- Post a picture of yourself and 15 "interesting" facts
             

1. Our favorite place to take a walk is the cemetery behind our house.
2. Aiden can't stand to talk about death but doesn't mind the cemetery walks.
3. Liz has an extreme fear of balloons.
4. Aiden freezes around statues and other lifelike sculptures.
5. We are perfectly happy with our illogical fears.
6. We would much rather explore a National or State Park as opposed to an amusement park.
7. Aiden has to tear the first two squares off the toilet paper roll in a public bathroom.
8. Liz is a lefty and darn proud of it.
9. We watch a lot of Food Network. ---Once a fat kid always a fat kid
10.  We both get motion sick.
11.  Aiden sews, knits, and does other crafts with the Cricut.
12.  Liz is an awesome artist, photographer, and pendant maker.
13.  We picked Frankenstein's name because Halloween is our favorite holiday.
14.  Liz's nickname is the disturber. She will scare anyone, hide everything, and just make a ruckus.
15.  We are like two little kids in love. The more we pick on each other the more you can tell.

That's it for tonight. Despite no desire to fall asleep, I really need to try. Looking forward to fulfilling all of the challenges.

30 days of distraction...

No doubt about it blogging is therapeutic.  So to keep our minds off of charting every little twitch, degree, and smiley; we are going to attempt a 30 day blogging challenge. It'll be written by me (Aiden) but will have tidbits of both of us in it.  I'm going to start tomorrow to unwind after work. If anyone else wants to join in here is the list:
Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02- The meaning behind your Blog name
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What you think about your friends
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
Day 30- Your favorite song.

A little more homegrown...

  There has been a lot of difficulties in our life lately.  While trying to fight negativity, I have been reminded of all the wonderful things in my life. Firstly my amazing wife. Where would I be without her? We met when I was just a baby dyke at a private Catholic college.  When I saw her I fell immediately, especially because I knew I couldn't have her.  The second time we saw each other I knew she'd have my heart forever.  I have thoroughly enjoyed every moment since. Liz allowed me to be myself after an extremely destructive relationship.  Today as we were running around town I was reminded again of how truly lucky I am to have her as my wife.


One of our first dates

   Secondly, I am so extremely happy to live in a very diverse city. We have so many events, stores, and places to explore. In order to take full advantage of the city we decided to go exploring.  We had a delicious lunch at a deli, shopped at an entirely local and organic market, and browsed a few non-chain craft stores. To anyone else it might be boring, but we enjoyed ourselves, each other, and our city. Oh and little miss "I don't eat anything green" loved this snack so much it was gone before we got home.

   In order to enjoy the good in life I have decided to stick with this mantra:
I am worthy. I am strong. I will not allow negative people or actions to influence my being. I am taking a pledge to take better care of myself. I will defend my family to the end.

Fear of Commitment?

  I find it ironic in my last (real) post that I talked about being more dedicated to my blog and yet I haven't posted in a week. I am so trying to be better, you just can't see it. I caved and signed up for a twitter account. Hopefully, that will be linked very soon.  I think that will let us make mini posts in between long winded ramblings.
  In other news it feels like when you're trying to get pregnant, everyone is having babies! Sometimes it is very hard to deal with reality while other times it is refreshing to dive in and experience the joyous moments.  The past few weeks have been a mixture of both. Two amazing friends got to meet their baby girl a little over a week ago. In that same week a childhood friend, high school friend, and acquaintance had their babies. Also in that same week we were notified that someone we know is pregnant, but this is a strained relationship.  Recently one of Liz's coworkers lost her baby at 21 weeks. So it has been a very baby oriented time.
  We are so ready to have our family. The itch is only getting greater. Luckily we have found at least one donor we really like, and will be picking out back ups soon. Each day we have little snippets of conversations about things we were looking forward to.  I know Liz will be a great mother and can't wait to see the joy in her face when we finally have our family.
  We are keeping busy in the meantime.  This coming weekend we will be watching a friend's 15 month old for two days and nights.  The little guy is awesome, but we're crazy.   This week I'm going to try to toddler proof the house. We'll probably just leave it that way and then no worries when we actually have a baby!
 My apologies for the very scatter brained post. Hopefully the next one will be a little more put together.

Simple Sunday

No words just a moment in time to cherish

Pass the Soup

I can fully admit that generally when it comes to illness and pain, I am a wimp.  However, the last few days have really knocked me off my feet.  I lasted a whole 30 minutes before being asked to leave work.  So for now I'm enjoying my day of napping.
In other news, we have gas!  Natural gas is pumping through lines and into the appropriate appliances. It only took nearly a month, $320 in supplies, and eight trips by the utility workers to find out the regulator on the outside of the house was broke the entire time.  The good news is everything but two feet of piping has been replaced and should be leak free for quite some time. We are happy to finally be taking showers that don't require boiling water on the stove.
Liz has been promoted and is now working as both a nurse educator and charge nurse.  I admire how hard she works.  She is a great nurse and I know she will make a big difference in the hospital.  I could go on and on about her.  I love my wife with all my heart.  She treats me so well, and I am incredibly lucky to have her in my life.
We are hoping to narrow down our donor choices this weekend. AF keeps popping around and confusing me.  I had such textbook cycles before and since we started TTC my organs have revolted. We're so excited to get started again. The overanalysis has already started and we aren't officially in a cycle yet.

What's in a (donor) number?

The more we look for a new donor, the more I question what we should be looking for in them.  We're well aware that for the most part this was done as a means to earn money.  So when the application asks why they donated, we appreciate honesty with a dash of "I wanted to help people."  The variety in donors has been narrowed even though the numbers have been expanded. Other than potency, I'm not sure what I want in a donor or what my wife wants. We have mentioned taller (I'm a shortie), hopefully of mixed or other than Caucasian heritage, and someone that seems to vibe with our likes/dislikes.  It just seems odd shopping for a product to help make our child.  Anybody willing to share what helps them narrow down a donor?
A big question that has come to mind lately is known vs unknown vs willing to be known.  There were only unknown donors at our last bank and at the time that seemed to flow really well with what we wanted. This was our dream child and if they should actualize they wouldn't need to meet the donor.  The more we search, the more cruel that seems.  My father was a product of closed adoption and faced unique difficulties. I think that an unknown donor closely resembles closed adoption. However, having a willing to be known donor doesn't guarantee the donor will still want to meet or the child will either.  There are rules and regulations in place to keep this our child and only allow the donor to be sought out at a specific time. Then there is a known donor...... insert cricket chirps here. Too many horror stories both real and dreamt up. Plus by the time you pay for all the testing it can be just as expensive as a bank.  It's good we have time to ponder but I think I might take to the community boards with these thoughts. It's nice to have other people to bounce ideas off of.

We're Alive!

It's been a busy two weeks, even though it doesn't look like it. Currently we are battling gas... natural gas. It all started with a slight smell of gas. Now after 3 shut offs, 2 turn ons, 1 full new set of pipes, and countless visits from a handy friend; we are hoping it will be finally resolved tomorrow. This nightmare just goes on and on.  We are actually trying to be positive about it. We have hunkered down in the living room with sheets blocking drafts and the rest of the house. We dragged the bed in and rearranged all of the furniture. Surprisingly our two little heaters are keeping us nice and toasty.


Tie-dye throw back from high school

Now for some news that actually relates to the creation of this blog. We are back in the planning stages of ttc.  Why planning?  Well, our sperm bank (and subsequently our donor) is in the middle of a giant disaster. We have no clue what it is, why it is, or if/when it will reopen. What we do know is we don't have time to wait around.  We really felt comfortable with our donor, costs, and the bank itself.  That just wasn't enough to keep us hanging around. Granted if they opened tomorrow and had their act together, we might consider going back. But for now we're looking at using Northwest Cryobank. There are a lot more options with this bank but they come with a price. We're both excited to get back on the path to building our family. Hopefully this change of direction will keep me more attached to this blog.
~Aiden

Simple Sunday

Sweetheart Edition

No words just a moment in time to cherish

Snowageden!

Here in the Midwest we've been bracing for "a storm for the history books."  It started Monday with freezing rain, overnight some icing, and now lots more freezing rain and sleet.  Today is supposed to bring more icing and the start of 10-20 inches of snow, depending on who you're listening to. I don't want to jinx it but so far it seems to not be developing as horribly as predicted. Although you never know. The city had been declared a state of emergency before anything arrived and there are 600 guardsmen ready if the need should arise.  Stores ran out of food, ice melt, and other random stuff. Mass hysteria followed. Honestly it was kind of comical, in a "oh I hope this doesn't really happen" kind of way.



Riding out the storm



So what does all of that mean for us personally? Liz was scheduled to work Tuesday and Wednesday.  Rather than risk safety driving on ice early Tuesday morning, she set up camp in the hospital and hopefully she'll be home soon- as in late Wednesday evening. Myself and the furry kids are camping out at home and praying the power doesn't go out. We tend to loose power easily here and it takes a while to get back on.  In the midst of packing our bags in case we had to go to the in laws I noticed a gas smell by the dryer. This turned into a nice evening of having the gas company fix 5 leaks that had developed in almost every union of our piping.

As far as life outside of the winter storm, we're still working on some changes. It's been nice to enjoy each other and our life at a little more of a slow pace.  I had been staying away from the message board of our bank, and when I finally peeked was shocked.  Apparently they are closed until further notice for "reorganization."  I'm really hoping they are open and running by the time we need them.  They are the most affordable, accessible, and varied for donors.  I hope we don't have to switch.

*edit- I think I jinxed it. The sleet is really coming down now and there are nice icicles developing on the  power lines. Also there is one lone bird hanging out in a neighbors tree. The bird is either crazy or sick.

In need of direction...

With the ttc journey on a hiatus, I don't want this blog to unravel.  Obviously there will be minimal (if any) ttc news.  It is hard to think about and even more difficult to translate into words. The blog is not being abandoned but redefined for a while. I hope that this won't turn into endless babbling. However, my apologies if it does get a little crazy.  If you knew us in person you would know we talk in circles. It may not make sense now but give us a few minutes and it will all come around.

As for right now, we are enjoying having our house and little family back together. They may be furry, but they're still our kids.  We are making plans to purge the house and ourselves of the negative and trying to rebuild. We are looking forward to getting past a financial mountain and planning for a much delayed honeymoon trip. Hopefully we'll also be joining the local Y/rexplex, weight watchers (Aiden), and renewing our bond. We are very much looking forward to the future while trying to savor today.

In unrelated news, our nephew turned 1 today. It's hard to believe it's really been a year since seeing that brand new round little face.  He has started walking like crazy, surprising everyone with new words, and breaking out quite the unique personality. We truly enjoy hanging with the little guy.

Becoming a magician

We disappeared. How crazy is that? For our next trick, we will reappear tomorrow evening with a real post. We feel bad for leaving everyone hanging. It's been crazy lately and we promise to explain in the next post. In the meantime, a couple pictures.

Hurry up and wait

So it's been a little while. There has been tons of things going on around here which leaves minimal time to blog. First, I turned in my resignation at the small pet health store where I groom. I will be going back the "big box" store that I started at. There are numerous reasons why I need to do this but it all works out to one category. This is for my family present and future.  I need the money, security, and benefits. Liz works her tail off and it's time for me to pick up some slack. Second, my mom will be moving out of our house on saturday.  Which will lead to some serious home renovation and reorganization. Probably the biggest change is that we are on a ttc hiatus. We have to address some financial issues before we sink more money into ttc.  Also it'll be nice to settle into the new job, renewed house, and enjoy each other before starting another rollercoaster.  I will be posting a more put together entry soon. It has been hard to look at the ttc, fertility, and sperm bank group. I'm very happy for the ladies that are doing well, but it's rough knowing it's not our time.

Simple Sunday

No words just a moment to remember

Oh Fraggle Rock

"Dance your cares away, worry's for another day"

     This seems to be the theme song for today. This day could not get any better.  Unless we win  a multi-million dollar lottery.  I'm being a little selfish though, Liz is slaving away at work. I keep getting good news. Hopefully she'll be home soon and it isn't crazy busy there.

   First AF seems to be on her way out of town.  Work was slow and the dog was well behaved. Then my mom called and she got the apartment she wanted (well not the exact one).  She has been living with us since June, and just got a new job in a town that isn't so city-like.  So she and her dog will be moving next weekend. Then I called the insurance and got semi-good news. They will cover consultations, diagnostics, and minor medical procedures related to infertility. They won't cover IVF, IUI, AI, or any procedure that directly leads to conception. So bittersweet but still great. I called figuring we wouldn't be able to get an appointment with the doctor until next cycle. Nope, we have an appointment on the 19th. When the secretary said she would send out the male and female paperwork to be returned I told her we are a lesbian couple using donor sperm. No hesitation. She said great we have other couples as well and we look forward to meeting both of you. We also had a casual conversation about jerk health care providers that discriminate. All of this concluded with a couple episodes of Fraggle Rock. It was my favorite show as a kid, and seemed so worry-free/appropriate.

    Tomorrow we call the bank and see if our donor is available. We can't reserve without paying and tomorrow is when we have the funds.  This is the only thing I can see as a bump in the road. If there aren't vials available, we'll have to figure out a new plan or wait until next month. Either way, things will work out. Here's hoping I'm not the only one having a good day!

Maybe looking up???

So, we have the start of some ttc news. At least we're hoping so. A while ago on Facebook a very nice woman sent me a message asking if the private Catholic college I was attending was gay friendly. Well, over time topics changed a little bit when they started their ttc journey. She and her partner were so nice to help us and share their hard researched recommendations. One was for the sperm bank we ended up using. Another was the name of a obgyn who also specializes in reproductive endocrinology. She did say he was a great doctor and his nurses tried to find every way possible to reduce the cost. The cost was the main reason we wanted to try at home insemination first. Now we might be able to go to a doctor, and have insurance cover some of the cost.


Turns out, my tinkering on the Internet did some good. Not only does our insurance from a private Catholic hospital network cover me, (my wife works for them) they more than likely cover some reproductive services. The icing on the cake? The RE suggested by our friend is the only one approved by our insurance for his specialty. There is also an RE-infertility doctor so I'm not sure of the difference. Quite frankly just seeing his name under covered providers made us do a happy dance. Tomorrow I'll be calling and getting the specifics of what all is covered. Even if it's just a consultation and blood work, it's better than nothing. In the mean-time, I have an appointment Friday with my primary doctor and am asking her to run a few extra tests.


It's nice to have an optimistic outlook. Also I'm hoping the threat of pulling out the big guns may scare my system into behaving. In non-ttc news: Liz is still sick, I'm working more the next few days, and we might be moving my mom into a 3 bedroom condo soon.

Hillbilly cartoons become reality tv...

  I wasn't sure if I was going to blog tonight. I've been planning our budget and next cycle in the last few days. The combination made me a little grumpy (that ushered along by a hellacious AF.) So I decided to do some mindless TV watching. Enter King of the Hill. One of my guilty pleasures. The moment I turned it on, Lou Ann's extremely hillbilly* husband has their daughter strapped on and says, "I gots to be the dad and the mom, I's a seahorse." Ha, our reality, well kind of.

  When we first entertained the idea of me carrying, one of the big hurdles was my gender identity. I have been dealing with gender confusion from a very early time in my childhood. A couple of years ago I was all set to pursue chest reconstruction and start down the path of transitioning from female to male. I have since reconsidered and am making myself comfortable in more of a genderqueer identity. While I don't like labels that is the one that feels most appropriate. Since male seahorses carry their babies until they are born, we thought that pretty much mimicked our situation. So for now this genderqueer seahorse is trying to get knocked up.

  As for the sperm fairy, well that was just pure joking around. Turkey baster queen just didn't have the same ring to it. Liz's wand is actually a tiny sperm filled syringe with a 5" catheter attached. She takes her job seriously, and I'm glad she is comfortable doing everything. If at home insemination works, I'm getting her some wings and a real wand. Who am I kidding? I'll get her whatever she wants! She really is the most amazing woman. I don't know how I got so lucky, but I'm pretty sure I'll be reminded of it a lot when we're expecting.

A favorite pastime

*disclaimer:  I consider myself a hillbilly in a lot of ways. I am not slamming hillbillies. When hunting season opened 85% of my highschool was absent... including teachers. The highlight of football season was walking the hog out  on the field that had been raised by the students and now was being auctioned for slaughter. I have nothing against hillbillies.  Also I should have changed the channel after King of the Hill, what followed scarred me for life.

Small talk...

Liz is sick. Which means, I'm in full doctor mode.  Hopefully all of the funk that has been circulating in this house will be gone soon. We both need to start planning this next cycle and working extra to afford it. TTC is not cheap! Oh and the saying that TTC turns your life into two week sessions is completely true.

I learned a good lesson today. If you discard an expired fire extinguisher, replace it with a new one immediately.  The electric stove decided to fight Liz in the few moments she was feeling well. When I got in there the grease fire had nice 6 inch flames shooting up. Being the quick thinkers we are, Liz tore apart the kitchen looking for flour while I tried to smother it with a metal pan lid. After a few scary moments, it eventually died. We're buying a new fire extinguisher tomorrow.


Hmm what else? Oh there will be a good change coming along soon.  Nothing TTC related but good financially. I think it will definitely be worth the sacrifice. I'm starting to make more contact with other LGBT TTC people online and a few that are local. This is helping a lot, and I hope I can return the favor soon.

Enough boring updates, here's a photo for the day. Proof that our neighbors put hilbillies to shame. Suddenly yesterday's dog chase fiasco doesn't seem so humiliating.

Simple Sunday

Simple Sunday
No words just a moment to cherish

Distraction Day...

Today was our D-Day. We did everything possible to distract ourselves from the BFN. I would say we were pretty inventive at times.  But before we could enjoy the day, Luna made a beeline out the front door into our busy street. We're pretty sure the entire neighborhood saw the commotion of Aiden chasing her around the cars and eventually tackling Luna on the sidewalk. In protest, Luna turned her 50 pounds into a limp 80 as she was being carried back into the house. Oh yeah and she didn't have her collar on, but she does now! All our furkids are microchipped but stripped of their collars at night for everyone's sleeping sanity.
Back to D-Day: First we went to our local ghost mall turned community art space.... with Frankenstein. We took his transporter (aka stroller) for in the stores but he was free to roam on his leash everywhere else. He absolutely loved it. Sure all the old mall walkers stared in their matching sweat suits, but we were staring right back. Personally, I think a one eyed dog being pushed in a blue stroller by two lesbians is a lot less weird than matching sweatsuits for arm pumping, mall walking. Don't you? After a few hours we packed up and headed to Peanut's house. Frankenstein played with Peanut's three big "dawg-dawgs." We got some awesome play and cuddling in, with a dash of Aunties feeding lots of fun foods to the Peanut man. Aiden and Peanut rocked and napped together, which was especially healing. Nothing like a 345 day old fluffy butt kid passed out on your chest. To finish up the night we all (P's parents too) went out for some mexican. P was a ham and especially flirty with the girls in the restaurant.
For all those TTC and being bummed with a BFN: What special treats do you let yourself have or do during AF time?  So far I've indulged in a Mountain Dew and deli sandwich. It's not a biggie but man it tasted good.

Softening the blow...

That cute little guy is our nephew. We shall call him Peanut. We are going to drown our BFN in the cuteness only Peanut can provide. That's right cycle one was a bust. Aunt Flo showed her ugly face followed by the "not pregnant" reading on a digital test... for good measure. We didn't put a lot of stock in this for many reasons: first try, ovulated two days early, stress, sickness, and AF three days early. We have been debating on another at home cycle or heading straight to the professionals. I think we're learning more towards giving at home another shot. This month will hopefully be a lot better, and there is just something about at home ICI that we like.
Enough with the old. We're putting this all in 2010 and looking forward to 2011. Part of 2011 means sharing a 1st birthday with Peanut, watching him walk more steps, enjoying our time together, and welcoming new changes in life. I'm still hoping for a short sweet ttc journey. I have the most amazing wife and am incredibly thankful for her.