In need of direction...

With the ttc journey on a hiatus, I don't want this blog to unravel.  Obviously there will be minimal (if any) ttc news.  It is hard to think about and even more difficult to translate into words. The blog is not being abandoned but redefined for a while. I hope that this won't turn into endless babbling. However, my apologies if it does get a little crazy.  If you knew us in person you would know we talk in circles. It may not make sense now but give us a few minutes and it will all come around.

As for right now, we are enjoying having our house and little family back together. They may be furry, but they're still our kids.  We are making plans to purge the house and ourselves of the negative and trying to rebuild. We are looking forward to getting past a financial mountain and planning for a much delayed honeymoon trip. Hopefully we'll also be joining the local Y/rexplex, weight watchers (Aiden), and renewing our bond. We are very much looking forward to the future while trying to savor today.

In unrelated news, our nephew turned 1 today. It's hard to believe it's really been a year since seeing that brand new round little face.  He has started walking like crazy, surprising everyone with new words, and breaking out quite the unique personality. We truly enjoy hanging with the little guy.

Becoming a magician

We disappeared. How crazy is that? For our next trick, we will reappear tomorrow evening with a real post. We feel bad for leaving everyone hanging. It's been crazy lately and we promise to explain in the next post. In the meantime, a couple pictures.

Hurry up and wait

So it's been a little while. There has been tons of things going on around here which leaves minimal time to blog. First, I turned in my resignation at the small pet health store where I groom. I will be going back the "big box" store that I started at. There are numerous reasons why I need to do this but it all works out to one category. This is for my family present and future.  I need the money, security, and benefits. Liz works her tail off and it's time for me to pick up some slack. Second, my mom will be moving out of our house on saturday.  Which will lead to some serious home renovation and reorganization. Probably the biggest change is that we are on a ttc hiatus. We have to address some financial issues before we sink more money into ttc.  Also it'll be nice to settle into the new job, renewed house, and enjoy each other before starting another rollercoaster.  I will be posting a more put together entry soon. It has been hard to look at the ttc, fertility, and sperm bank group. I'm very happy for the ladies that are doing well, but it's rough knowing it's not our time.

Simple Sunday

No words just a moment to remember

Oh Fraggle Rock

"Dance your cares away, worry's for another day"

     This seems to be the theme song for today. This day could not get any better.  Unless we win  a multi-million dollar lottery.  I'm being a little selfish though, Liz is slaving away at work. I keep getting good news. Hopefully she'll be home soon and it isn't crazy busy there.

   First AF seems to be on her way out of town.  Work was slow and the dog was well behaved. Then my mom called and she got the apartment she wanted (well not the exact one).  She has been living with us since June, and just got a new job in a town that isn't so city-like.  So she and her dog will be moving next weekend. Then I called the insurance and got semi-good news. They will cover consultations, diagnostics, and minor medical procedures related to infertility. They won't cover IVF, IUI, AI, or any procedure that directly leads to conception. So bittersweet but still great. I called figuring we wouldn't be able to get an appointment with the doctor until next cycle. Nope, we have an appointment on the 19th. When the secretary said she would send out the male and female paperwork to be returned I told her we are a lesbian couple using donor sperm. No hesitation. She said great we have other couples as well and we look forward to meeting both of you. We also had a casual conversation about jerk health care providers that discriminate. All of this concluded with a couple episodes of Fraggle Rock. It was my favorite show as a kid, and seemed so worry-free/appropriate.

    Tomorrow we call the bank and see if our donor is available. We can't reserve without paying and tomorrow is when we have the funds.  This is the only thing I can see as a bump in the road. If there aren't vials available, we'll have to figure out a new plan or wait until next month. Either way, things will work out. Here's hoping I'm not the only one having a good day!

Maybe looking up???

So, we have the start of some ttc news. At least we're hoping so. A while ago on Facebook a very nice woman sent me a message asking if the private Catholic college I was attending was gay friendly. Well, over time topics changed a little bit when they started their ttc journey. She and her partner were so nice to help us and share their hard researched recommendations. One was for the sperm bank we ended up using. Another was the name of a obgyn who also specializes in reproductive endocrinology. She did say he was a great doctor and his nurses tried to find every way possible to reduce the cost. The cost was the main reason we wanted to try at home insemination first. Now we might be able to go to a doctor, and have insurance cover some of the cost.


Turns out, my tinkering on the Internet did some good. Not only does our insurance from a private Catholic hospital network cover me, (my wife works for them) they more than likely cover some reproductive services. The icing on the cake? The RE suggested by our friend is the only one approved by our insurance for his specialty. There is also an RE-infertility doctor so I'm not sure of the difference. Quite frankly just seeing his name under covered providers made us do a happy dance. Tomorrow I'll be calling and getting the specifics of what all is covered. Even if it's just a consultation and blood work, it's better than nothing. In the mean-time, I have an appointment Friday with my primary doctor and am asking her to run a few extra tests.


It's nice to have an optimistic outlook. Also I'm hoping the threat of pulling out the big guns may scare my system into behaving. In non-ttc news: Liz is still sick, I'm working more the next few days, and we might be moving my mom into a 3 bedroom condo soon.

Hillbilly cartoons become reality tv...

  I wasn't sure if I was going to blog tonight. I've been planning our budget and next cycle in the last few days. The combination made me a little grumpy (that ushered along by a hellacious AF.) So I decided to do some mindless TV watching. Enter King of the Hill. One of my guilty pleasures. The moment I turned it on, Lou Ann's extremely hillbilly* husband has their daughter strapped on and says, "I gots to be the dad and the mom, I's a seahorse." Ha, our reality, well kind of.

  When we first entertained the idea of me carrying, one of the big hurdles was my gender identity. I have been dealing with gender confusion from a very early time in my childhood. A couple of years ago I was all set to pursue chest reconstruction and start down the path of transitioning from female to male. I have since reconsidered and am making myself comfortable in more of a genderqueer identity. While I don't like labels that is the one that feels most appropriate. Since male seahorses carry their babies until they are born, we thought that pretty much mimicked our situation. So for now this genderqueer seahorse is trying to get knocked up.

  As for the sperm fairy, well that was just pure joking around. Turkey baster queen just didn't have the same ring to it. Liz's wand is actually a tiny sperm filled syringe with a 5" catheter attached. She takes her job seriously, and I'm glad she is comfortable doing everything. If at home insemination works, I'm getting her some wings and a real wand. Who am I kidding? I'll get her whatever she wants! She really is the most amazing woman. I don't know how I got so lucky, but I'm pretty sure I'll be reminded of it a lot when we're expecting.

A favorite pastime

*disclaimer:  I consider myself a hillbilly in a lot of ways. I am not slamming hillbillies. When hunting season opened 85% of my highschool was absent... including teachers. The highlight of football season was walking the hog out  on the field that had been raised by the students and now was being auctioned for slaughter. I have nothing against hillbillies.  Also I should have changed the channel after King of the Hill, what followed scarred me for life.

Small talk...

Liz is sick. Which means, I'm in full doctor mode.  Hopefully all of the funk that has been circulating in this house will be gone soon. We both need to start planning this next cycle and working extra to afford it. TTC is not cheap! Oh and the saying that TTC turns your life into two week sessions is completely true.

I learned a good lesson today. If you discard an expired fire extinguisher, replace it with a new one immediately.  The electric stove decided to fight Liz in the few moments she was feeling well. When I got in there the grease fire had nice 6 inch flames shooting up. Being the quick thinkers we are, Liz tore apart the kitchen looking for flour while I tried to smother it with a metal pan lid. After a few scary moments, it eventually died. We're buying a new fire extinguisher tomorrow.


Hmm what else? Oh there will be a good change coming along soon.  Nothing TTC related but good financially. I think it will definitely be worth the sacrifice. I'm starting to make more contact with other LGBT TTC people online and a few that are local. This is helping a lot, and I hope I can return the favor soon.

Enough boring updates, here's a photo for the day. Proof that our neighbors put hilbillies to shame. Suddenly yesterday's dog chase fiasco doesn't seem so humiliating.

Simple Sunday

Simple Sunday
No words just a moment to cherish

Distraction Day...

Today was our D-Day. We did everything possible to distract ourselves from the BFN. I would say we were pretty inventive at times.  But before we could enjoy the day, Luna made a beeline out the front door into our busy street. We're pretty sure the entire neighborhood saw the commotion of Aiden chasing her around the cars and eventually tackling Luna on the sidewalk. In protest, Luna turned her 50 pounds into a limp 80 as she was being carried back into the house. Oh yeah and she didn't have her collar on, but she does now! All our furkids are microchipped but stripped of their collars at night for everyone's sleeping sanity.
Back to D-Day: First we went to our local ghost mall turned community art space.... with Frankenstein. We took his transporter (aka stroller) for in the stores but he was free to roam on his leash everywhere else. He absolutely loved it. Sure all the old mall walkers stared in their matching sweat suits, but we were staring right back. Personally, I think a one eyed dog being pushed in a blue stroller by two lesbians is a lot less weird than matching sweatsuits for arm pumping, mall walking. Don't you? After a few hours we packed up and headed to Peanut's house. Frankenstein played with Peanut's three big "dawg-dawgs." We got some awesome play and cuddling in, with a dash of Aunties feeding lots of fun foods to the Peanut man. Aiden and Peanut rocked and napped together, which was especially healing. Nothing like a 345 day old fluffy butt kid passed out on your chest. To finish up the night we all (P's parents too) went out for some mexican. P was a ham and especially flirty with the girls in the restaurant.
For all those TTC and being bummed with a BFN: What special treats do you let yourself have or do during AF time?  So far I've indulged in a Mountain Dew and deli sandwich. It's not a biggie but man it tasted good.

Softening the blow...

That cute little guy is our nephew. We shall call him Peanut. We are going to drown our BFN in the cuteness only Peanut can provide. That's right cycle one was a bust. Aunt Flo showed her ugly face followed by the "not pregnant" reading on a digital test... for good measure. We didn't put a lot of stock in this for many reasons: first try, ovulated two days early, stress, sickness, and AF three days early. We have been debating on another at home cycle or heading straight to the professionals. I think we're learning more towards giving at home another shot. This month will hopefully be a lot better, and there is just something about at home ICI that we like.
Enough with the old. We're putting this all in 2010 and looking forward to 2011. Part of 2011 means sharing a 1st birthday with Peanut, watching him walk more steps, enjoying our time together, and welcoming new changes in life. I'm still hoping for a short sweet ttc journey. I have the most amazing wife and am incredibly thankful for her.